I Just Want To Go Home (Day 14)

I think I heard those words about 30 times or more tonight. I am sure his mother heard them even more. The hospital made the mistake of telling Adam that he could go home today. However, they didn't realize when they tell a 15 year old who has been in the hospital for 14 days that he can go home, is that he expects to go home NOW.

Adam did go home, but after a very trying and impatient wait. It seems as though he is finally understanding the threat of his disease. As most kids, Adam is no different in believing that they are invincible and indestructible. Today I think he realized just how real this thing called cancer is. And how fragile we all are. He had sort of a meltdown today, and as he did, so did we all. Our nerves were raw, and our emotions have been ripped apart for two weeks and I think it all came to a head for all of us.

Unfortunately, this is something that we should not have experienced together. It would have been less painful and nerve exposing if we could have all experienced this at differant times.

But then it is not about us, it is about Adam and that is where the focus needs to remain, and from this point on it will be. Because he is too important, as any child would be in his situation.

To compound upon the emotional effects, Adam also is having to deal with the chemical effects. Not just of the chemotherapy but of the steroids that he HAS to take to strengthen his immunity. I know from my own experience with steroids, that you are constantly on edge and it feels as though you are going to crawl out of your skin. I was only on 5 milligrams, he is on 35 mil. twice a day. I am sure this is taking it's toll on him and is causing him to act out when otherwise he would not. That is not even taking into account; pain meds, anti nausea meds and the actual chemo. No wonder he is frazzled. He is allowed a meltdown once and a while. Actually I am surprised that it has taken him this long. But then he is a very strong-willed young man.

But finally we made it home. Adam's mom was able to sit down for a few minutes in her own living room, and Adam was finally able to relax and not deal with the confines of the hospital. Like he said when we got to the car. "Fresh air never felt so good Dad."

The first treatment is over. Several are still ahead with more curves and detours I am sure, but one thing is for certain, the road my be treacherous, but He will make it through this. The journey has just begun but he has a tremendous amount of support, love, faith and strength to help him through it.